SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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