oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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