Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
