im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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