I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
