I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
