I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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