a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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