i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
