The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please don't give away my fajitas
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
