My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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