and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
