so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
