I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
