we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
