We won't sleep together?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
