Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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