It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She needs sedatives and a leash
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
