I looked at my own cervix.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ttyl tear gas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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