Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
