I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
