maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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