my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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