matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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