booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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