it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
