Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I will pee on everything he values.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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