Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
