Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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