Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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