we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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