i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
