my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We need to get me chipped asap
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