just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
