you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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