FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
