direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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