the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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