First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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