Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize