I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize