It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
