Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
