absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
