all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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