I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
