You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
