It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
