I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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