nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
