Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
