He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize