I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
