I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
