Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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