I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
