My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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