well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
