I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You left your underwear on the fireplace
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
