Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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