I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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