quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
