He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
