dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want a musical about memes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
