That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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