peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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