How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You took a bar mat shot.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
