Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
