You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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