Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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