Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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