I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
