no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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