summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
